By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we're so committed to being not committed
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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