we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize