Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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