Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
