): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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