he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My vagina is officially offended.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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