do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
