Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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