you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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