You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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