i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
