He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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