somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
