Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think people are normalizing furries
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
