the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
