she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
