Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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