You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
