I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
