i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
