The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
