The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
