I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize