Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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