My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
