Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
