Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's shark week go big or go home
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
