Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize