Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
