Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
