Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
