38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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