This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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