I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
