Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
