So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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