when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
