that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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