you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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