he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
