I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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