all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
