So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
