so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
