Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
