I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
