guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
