Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i drank out of a bidet.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
