I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
