This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He better not be in your backpack
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
