totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
