the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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