I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It's like God shit irony all over that family
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
