Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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