Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
