I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Houston, we have a blender
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
