I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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