you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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