When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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