Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
