I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
