doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
