Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
