why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have feelings that need drinking.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
