I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
