garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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